It Just Feels Wrong.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard clients or said to myself, “It just feels wrong” when it comes to doing something new, something for myself. Trust me, I get it. It feels wrong to tell my friend I don’t want to go watch her run the Little Apple half marathon. It feels like I’m a bad friend if I don’t go since she invited me. What I actually want to do that Saturday morning is sleep in, eat cereal on my couch in my pajamas while I watch reruns of *Modern Family*, laughing at how lame Phil is or how neurotic Claire is, wondering who I relate to more.

Is it wrong to want a lazy morning to myself when my friend wants me at her marathon? Does it make me a terrible friend that I’d rather watch TV and eat Lucky Charms on a cool October Saturday morning?

Not. At. All.

I love my friend. I love that she loves running, and I admire that she’s a morning person. She knows I love her, and she knows I hate mornings. 

So after spending the day going through every possible scenario of how she’s going to hate me and think I’m selfish, I land on the fact that we know we love and support each other. If I woke up, bundled up to see her start her race, then not see her for another three hours, I’d only be loving her, not loving myself or giving myself what I need.

Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.  -Prentis Hemphill

But here's the kicker: even though I know this, I still feel terrible. I feel like I just did something wrong by not just going to her race. I could have sucked it up; I would have survived. But in that moment, I remind myself that self-care is not selfish—it's necessary. It’s okay to prioritize my needs, even if it feels uncomfortable. 

So, I bite the bullet and send her my response: “Hey! I’m so excited for you to run; you’re going to kill it! I have plans to have a nice quiet morning to myself that day, so let's meet up later after your race for lunch!”

And then the wildest thing happened. She texted back: “Thank you! I’m nervous and excited about it! No worries, I’d love a quiet morning to myself— I guess that’s kind of what the race will be for me anyway. Lunch it is!”

In that moment, I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It’s a reminder that setting boundaries may feel wrong at first, but it opens the door for more authentic connections. So, to anyone out there struggling with the discomfort of saying “no” or prioritizing self-care—know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel guilty, but remember: your well-being matters too.

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Take a Moment to Reflect

When was the last time you prioritized your needs over someone else’s? What boundaries do you need to set for yourself? Reflect on this, because taking that first step toward self-care is the most right thing you can do.